


Team of Two

by FZZT



Category: Nothing Much to Do
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Basically a "shit never went down" AU, F/M, Quiz team au, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:41:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2407187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FZZT/pseuds/FZZT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You see Mr Hobbes, this is an experiment. We’re going to test whether the number of people on a quiz team affects how a team answers a question. We’ll be examining whether the team agrees on the answer or not, if certain people’s answers are given more weight than others’, that sort of thing. You and Ms Duke are the team of two. Clear?"</p><p>In what may be the stupidest experiment to ever exist, Beatrice and Benedick are placed on a quiz team together. Developments ensue...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Location: Messina High School.

Time: Approximately 2:42pm. Why approximately? The clock on the wall was either two minutes slow or five minutes fast, and Ben’s watch was the opposite. He could never remember which was which.

Mission: Nothing. Class was so boring that Ben couldn't even _imagine_ anything exciting happening. That’s how bad it was.

So he looked around. He, Benedick Hobbes, was reduced to scouring his surroundings for entertainment. Pathetic.

“Hey dickface, you do know you’re saying that out-loud right?” Beatrice whispered from behind him.

Wait what? Shite.

“Just narrating my situation Beatrice, nothing much to do with you, thank you very much”.

She huffed, and would no doubt have retorted with something suitable witty (he meant witless of course) had Ms Norris not intervened.

“Ms Duke, and Mr Hobbes. You’ll be the team of two then. Thank you so much for volunteering”.

Wait… What?

He turned to Beatrice for an explanation, but she looked as stumped as him, and was turning to Pedro who was laughing subtly into his hand.

It looked like Ben was going to have to find out for himself then.

“Ms, if somebody had hypothetically been daydreaming for the past several minutes, what would they have hypothetically missed? Hypothetically.”

Apparently Ms Norris wasn’t familiar with the word “hypothetically”, because she didn’t take very well to that. Ben wasn’t fazed though; he had plenty of experience with teachers, and people in general, being annoyed with him. However, she looked particularly satisfied with herself as she went to explain the situation, which did worry him a little. That never ended well.

“You see Mr Hobbes, this is an experiment. We’re going to test whether the number of people on a quiz team affects how a team answers a question. We’ll be examining whether the team agrees on the answer or not, if certain people’s answers are given more weight than others’, that sort of thing. You and Ms Duke are the team of two. Clear?”

Ben couldn't get over how impossible an experiment that would be.

“But Ms, there’s no way to accurately measure that. There are so many other factors, there’s no way to get any sort of reliable result.”

“We’ll see Mr Hobbes. We’re doing it anyway.”

“Ms do I have to be with him? Can I please switch?” Beatrice moaned from behind him.

Ben had been so distracted by how illogical the so-called experiment was that he had completely ignored having to team up with Beatrice.

He sent up a silent prayer to any deity who might have been listening, that he wouldn’t have to stay on a team with her. She couldn't actually make him could she? There was no way he’d emerge from that experience with his sanity intact. It would be cruelty to force him to partake in one-on-one Beatrice time. Wait, no, not like that – he winced mentally. Thank god he hadn't said that out-loud, Pedro would never let him hear the end of it. And if Meg had heard? He might as well move to Antarctica!

He crossed his fingers, stopping that thought in its tracks before it got any further.

“No Ms Duke, I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do. You’re on the system as a team, and I don’t know how to change it. If it’s any consolation, even if I could change it, I wouldn’t.”

Ben sighed. There was no way around it. Ms Norris didn’t know how to use Excel, and he was stuck on a team with Beatrice.

“We’ll be starting tomorrow. Make sure to bring in your thinking caps”

He turned around to an annoyed looking Beatrice, and Pedro, Ursula, Meg, Claudio, and Balthazar laughing their heads off.

Beatrice scowled at him.

“I’m so looking forward to working with you Bene-dick.”

Ouch, even his grandmother could have picked up the sarcasm in that.

“Now, now, Beatrice, let’s keep this PG shall we, we are in a school,” he replied, pretty much on automatic.

“Dick.”

“Exactly.”

“Shut up.”

But she was unsuccessfully suppressing a smile. And so was he. Maybe this wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.


	2. Chapter 2

It was all Ben’s fault. He was the one who was being an idiot, and then of course she had to call him out on being an idiot, because that’s what she does, and then suddenly they’re on a team together.

Completely because of Ben.

Okay maybe it had been a tiny bit her fault. Bea was willing to admit that.  She tried to be honest with herself as much as possible.

But it was so unfair. Ms Norris was well aware that Benedick couldn't ask her for a pen without them arguing about something, yet she still put them on a team together. Her stupid experiment would be ruined, all because she wanted to make a point about arguing in class. It wouldn't have worked anyway, there was absolutely no way to get a conclusive answer on that, but that was beside the point. Not that she was agreeing with Ben-the-dick though, he was agreeing with her. Obviously.

To make things worse, the rest of the gang were all on the same team. Idiots. Exactly how they were idiots, Beatrice hadn't quite worked out yet, but she knew she’d think of something eventually.

She heard footsteps coming up behind her from where she was waiting outside the school gates.

“Aaaaay Bea” she heard, followed by a camera click. That would be Meg and Ursula then.

“That was a very contemplative pose Bea” Ursula said, showing her the picture. She had caught Beatrice looking like she just noticed a particularly bad smell.

“Wow I am an attractive human being”

“I know right” Ursula laughed, returning the camera to her bag. “That’s why I took the photo”.

“The world thanks you for it”

“It will someday”.

“Enough chit-chat ladies” Meg interrupted. “Where’s Hero? Also Ben?”

Bea lifted an eyebrow at her. “Hero’s staying back to do an art project. And how would I know where Benedick is?”

She was treated with Meg’s signature crafty grin, as she peered up at her over her bag.

“Oh I don’t know” she began, Ursula smirking beside her. “Maybe because he’s your betrothed – I mean your quiz partner”

“Oh shut up” Beatrice had been expecting nothing less, but that didn’t mean she was just going to lie down and take the teasing. Though “shut up” wasn’t going to strike fear into anyone’s heart.

Meg’s laughter was the definition of the world “lilting”.

“Okay but for realzies, I know for a fact he drove in today, and it’s far too hot for me to even contemplate walking up the demon hill, so if you know where he is, or where he parks his car, I’d be much obliged if you’d tell me”.

Oh. That did make a lot of sense if Beatrice was being honest with herself. And she did try to be honest with herself as much as possible. When the truth wasn’t too horrible that is.

“Well I don’t know where he is, but I know he parks his car by the football pitch entrance, so we could try there”.

That earned her an eyebrow wiggle. “Oh so you’re coming along are you? And don’t think I’m glossing over the fact that you know where he parks, because I’m not”

“I’m only coming because there’s no way I’m walking when I’m this hot”.

Ursula – her camera now safely away – decided to join in. “What I’m hearing is you’re coming with us so Ben can appreciate your hotness. That’s what you were getting at right?”

She groaned as Meg threw back her head in laughter, high-fiving Ursula.

“Meg, you just said 'for realzies', and Ursula you just took a terrible photo of me – I have the moral high ground here” Bea exclaimed, gesturing wildly.

Meg sighed as the air from Beatrice’s gesturing washed over her. “Can we find Ben now? Or if you’re going to complain about that, I’ll be more specific; can we find Ben’s air-conditioned car now?”

“That isn’t going to be a problem” Ursula said happily, pointing along the road, where Ben was rather conveniently driving toward them, Pedro in the passenger seat.

“Perfect!” Meg exclaimed loudly, waving her arms as wildly as she could to get his attention. “Ben!”

Beatrice scowled as he pulled over, oh so obviously trying to look cool as he rolled down the window.

“Ladies? You called?” 

Beatrice had to physically stop herself from rolling her eyes as he whipped off his sunglasses. 

“Texted actually” Ursula replied.

Bea looked at her in surprise. “You texted Ben?” She had no idea why it was surprising, but for some reason it was.

Apparently Ursula also didn’t know why that was astonishing, judging by the look on her face as she answered. “Yeah, I wasn’t about to go searching for him, and then have it turn out that he’d already left was I? It’s far too hot for that”.

Bea couldn't fault her reasoning at all. So she didn’t. She just stood there, looking rather befuddled. It was probably the heat.

“Hop in ladies, Ben to the rescue, as usual”

She wanted to retort so badly, but she decided to be strategic about it, and wait until she was actually in his car, so he couldn't just drive off without them. She was smart like that you see.

She smiled to herself as she flopped down into the back seat, the air-conditioning washing over her. “I have no idea what you’re talking about Benedick. Emphasis on the dick”

Oh my god had she actually just said that? Was that an actual sentence that she had allowed out of her mouth? Dear lord she needed a new brain filter. It was the heat. It had to be the heat.

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone double checked with each other to make sure she had actually said what they thought she had. Unfortunately for her, Ben was the first to recover.

“I get that a lot” he said, trying not to laugh. He wasn’t succeeding very well. Beatrice was counting herself lucky though, that wasn’t half as bad as it potentially could have been. The same couldn't be said of the others. Ursula elbowed her in the stomach as she brought her hand up to wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes.

The only way to fight this, Bea decided, was denial.

She waited until the laughter had died down.

“I don’t know why you’re all laughing. I see absolutely nothing funny about what I just said. ”

That, of course, set everybody off again.

Pedro eventually stopped laughing long enough to get the compulsory quip in.

“So you stand by what you said then? Nothing wrong with it? Completely true?”

She was defeated. She jammed her hand into her forehead. “Oh my god, shut up okay? You guys win, I give up! It’s the heat, it’s affecting me!”

“If you know what I mean” Ben piped up from the front seat, wiggling his eyebrows at her in the mirror.

At the next red light everybody in car took turns high-fiving him, while Bea resolutely looked out the window, trying desperately not to smile. Even she had to admit it was kind of funny.

“Don’t worry” Meg whispered in her ear. “You’ll have the entirety of the quiz tomorrow to get back at him.”

Beatrice could only groan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love the idea of Meg and Ursula teaming up to tease Bea. It makes my soul happy.


	3. Chapter 3

“So you’re on a team with Benedick?” Hero sounded like she was about to start laughing, so Bea cut her off as fast as possible before another episode like the one in the class could happen again. They were about to watch a movie, even though they both had homework to do. They figured it was far too hot to try and think about anything serious, so they should just give up and relax. 

She handed Hero a bowl of popcorn. “Yeah, but it’s just for a quiz, I don’t see why it’s such a big deal. How did your art thing go?”

Hero laughed. “Don’t try to change the subject. And it’s not a big deal, it’s just funny because you’re so grumpy about it. If you didn’t make such a fuss, then it wouldn’t be half as amusing.”

“Fine then, I don’t care. I never did care. What does caring even mean? I’m not the one making such a big deal about it anyway, that’s all you guys”.

“Sure it is. Anyway, what’s the quiz thing about? It doesn’t sound like a very scientific experiment to me.”

Beatrice sighed, flopping down onto the couch. Leo was out somewhere, so it was just the two of them in the house.

“It’s not; it’s the stupidest idea ever. And the worst thing is, if I wasn’t with Benedick it’d probably be really fun. If I got to pair up with any of the others I’d be fine, it’s just him that’s the problem. Pass me the remote would you?”

“No get it yourself, you’re closer.”

Beatrice sat in silence for a moment, contemplating having to stand up to get the remote.

“But surely Ben’s the best partner to have” Hero continued, settling back into the cushions as she idly scooped some popcorn into her mouth. The chewing noises were disproportionally loud coming from such a petite person, something Beatrice could never get used to.

“What? How?”

“Because he’s exactly like you.”

That jolted Beatrice out of attempting to use the force to levitate the remote towards her.

“Excuse me?” she sounded genuinely insulted, which of course made Hero burst into laughter again. “I am nothing like Ben-the-Dick”

She could almost hear him in her head replying with something like “you mean Ben-of-the-Great-Dick”. Wait, no, she definitely couldn't. That didn’t happen. She wasn’t hearing Benedick in her head - that would be crazy. Nope.

She looked up to see Hero staring at her inquisitively.

“Why are you looking like that?” her cousin asked.

“What? Looking like what?” Did she sound too defensive? She attempted to school her features, but probably succeeded at some form of grimace. She had a brief flashback to Ursula’s picture earlier that day.

Hero looked like she was struggling to find the words for what she was trying to say. “Like you’re… checking yourself or something”

“What does that even mean?” Beatrice knew exactly what it meant.

“It’s like…” She paused for a moment, and then sat forward.

“Whoa, somebody means business” Bea wasn’t even going to try lying to herself; she was desperately trying to deflect what was coming. She knew what face she had been making. It was her least favourite of all the expressions she was capable of. She called it ‘The Maybe Smile’.

But Hero wasn’t having any of it.

“Ha ha. It’s like you looked kind of disgusted for a second, and then you looked like you were considering something, and then your expression was basically like ‘nope, let’s not get into that’ and then you smiled up to the side”.

Damn. That was spot on. Damn her and her loud chewing.

“I have literally no idea what you’re talking about”

“Yeah you do, you only say ‘literally’ when you’re lying. Come on, spill”

That proved it, her and Hero were far too close. It was impossible to lie to her. Extreme denial was the only option left.

“Spill on what? What were we even talking about?”

The look Hero gave her could only be described as ‘cut the bullshit’.

“Don’t act like you don’t remember, you know very well we were talking about the quiz Missy”

“Don’t Missy me!” Bea said mock-angrily.

Hero rolled her eyes. “My humblest apologies. Now tell me more about the quiz”

Beatrice shifted awkwardly. Then she stopped. She was Beatrice Duke, there was no way she was being so awkward about all of this. So what if she was on a team with Benedick Hobbes? She wasn’t about to let that get the better of her. And, she admitted to herself very quietly. He wasn’t that bad. Sure he was an intolerable, idiotic, immature dickbag, but he could be funny sometimes. And all things considered, he probably wasn’t the worst person to be on a quiz team with. From what she remembered when they used to be close a few years ago, before he turned out to be such a dick, he knew an awful lot of weird, random stuff that would probably come in handy.

“Beatrice? Quiz? And just by the way, you were making the face again.

Of course she was. That was just fab.

She gritted her teeth, she might as well just explain it - especially if she wanted to pull off the "I don't care about Benedick Hobbes" angle. Which was completely true of course...

“Oh yeah. Well it’s like I said with the experiment thing. So it’s me and Benedick, and then Meg, Ursula, Pedro, Balthazar, and Claudio are all on the same team – they’re the team of five. Then there’s a team of six, a team of four, and a team of three. And she’s somehow going to measure a bunch of factors that influence productivity or something, I don’t know. The quiz itself should be fun though. I like quizzes. I'm really good at them.”

“Well that doesn’t sound so bad. Is it just a general quiz? And do you need to study for it or anything?”

“Yes and yes” Beatrice groaned. It was one of those days. “She said it's a general knowledge quiz, but then she gave us all a random book to look over, so maybe it's on specific areas. Mine is on Irish history of all things. How boring can you get? And it probably won’t even be on the quiz, it’s not at all relevant. But whatever, I’ll give it a look over later. Right now, it’s movie time.” She took the added burst of energy, and made a lunge for the remote, yelling in victory when her hand clasped around it. She had a grin on her face as she flopped back onto the couch. Maybe today wouldn't be completely terrible after all.

At that exact second, Hero’s phone buzzed. She looked up guiltily. “Yeah about that… Today is probably one of the last beach days of the year, and Claudio asked…”

Beatrice groaned again, internally this time. Hero seemed really happy with Claudio, and he was nice enough, so she was trying her best to be happy about them. She waved her hand, cutting Hero off. “Yeah, yeah, beach date, I know. Have fun you crazy kids.”

Hero's face lit up. “Thank you, you're the best Bea!"

"Oh I'm aware".

Hero rolled her eyes, giving Beatrice a quick hug before grabbing her bag. "You have fun with your Irish history. Draw a potato for me.”

“That’s probably offensive” Beatrice grunted from the couch.

“I hereby apologise to every Irish person currently in existence then, is that better.”

“Much. When will you be back?” Beatrice resigned herself to becoming one with the sofa. It wasn't the worst fate she could think of.

Hero glanced down at her phone. “Probably about seven.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

“That you will, bye.”

None of the movies looked remotely appealing without Hero to make sarcastic comments to. And what was the point of watching a movie if there was nobody to make sarcastic comments to? That was half the fun.

Beatrice stared at the Irish history book in resignation, and groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day.

It was going to be long evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's curious about the face Bea's making, it's the face from this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72ekTu30_-4&index=16&list=PLgtRIWtmHefMuOItC46W31Q3B8tBZkfbc) at about 2:46. You know the one. Even if you think you don't know it - you know it.


	4. Chapter 4

Hero smirked as the door swung shut behind her. Beatrice didn’t have a clue. She wasn’t a huge fan of lying to her cousin, but it had to be done sometimes. It was for her own good anyway.

She almost dropped her phone when it buzzed again. It was another text from Claudio, telling her he was parked around the corner waiting for her. He would usually pull into their driveway, but this time they couldn’t risk Beatrice seeing the other inhabitants of the car, or she’d know something was up. That would ruin all the fun.

She heard the gang before she saw them. It was a good thing they had parked so far away, because they were so loud, Beatrice would probably have heard them had they been in the driveway.

When she reached the car, she found that the doors were locked.

Meg cranked down her window a millimetre. “What’s the password?” she whispered dramatically, “We need to make sure you’re not an imposter”.

Hero feigned seriousness, leaning in close to the car. “How do I know you’re not an imposter?” she whispered back.

Meg recoiled in mock horror. “For my dearest Hero, if that is your real name, I am inside the cupid-mobile, and you are not, thus making you the imposter”.

Everyone in the car groaned.

“More like stupid-mobile” Ursula said, elbowing Meg playfully.

“Okay I’ll admit that was good, but I stand by my name” Meg said firmly.

“Really though Meg, the cupid mobile?” Claudio complained from the driver's seat.

She scowled at him. “It’s far better than whatever you’ve called it. I bet it’s Victoria or Rebecca or something wonderfully cliché like that”.

Claudio looked at his knees in mock-shame. “It’s Bianca”.

“Ha, I knew it!”

This was all well and good, Hero thought, but she was still outside the car, be it Bianca or the Cupid Mobile.

She knocked on the window again, cutting Claudio off mid-rebuttal. “Guys can I come in now?”

“But you still haven’t told us the password” Balthazar grinned.

Oh wait, there had actually been a password hadn't there? Oh god what was it? Hero blanked for a few moments before finally remembering. “Team Love Gods!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands over her mouth when she realised how loud she was.

“We should have thought of a cooler password” Claudio said.

“Fine then” Meg said, “the new password is ‘Wonder Woman is better than Batman’, no take-backs”.

“You did not just say that” Pedro turned around in shock. 

“Of course I did, because it’s completely true. Wonder Woman is miles better than Batman. There’s no debating it.”

Meg looked ready to throw down, and Pedro looked like he was having trouble comprehending her opinion, so Hero took the opportunity to get in the car. She slid in, nudging Meg, who was looking triumphant in the face of Pedro’s muteness, to move over.

“Guys”, Balthazar interjected as Claudio pulled out onto the road, “literally shut up. We’re here for a noble purpose, so there’s no place for arguing about such stupid issues. And I say stupid, because there really is no contest. Pedro, you’re great and all, but Wonder Woman is infinitely better than Batman. You’re going to have to accept that one mate”.

Pedro shook his head indignantly. “I can’t believe even you have the wrong idea of it. Batman is… Batman!” he gestured widely, nearly hitting Claudio in the face.

Balthazar leaned forward from the back seat, placed his hand on Pedro’s arm, and shook his head in mock-disappointment. “My friend” he said, pausing for effect, “stop talking”.

That set even Pedro laughing as they turned into the beach.

*

An hour later the final crumbs of Ursula’s picnic were being brushed away, and the serious business of the afternoon began. Pedro, Meg, Claudio, and Hero claimed the only bench, leaving Balthazar and Ursula sitting on the sand.

“So we all know why we’re here”, Pedro began. “We are here, because our dearest buddies…”

“Butties” Balthazar interrupted, giving no context but making Pedro grin from ear to ear for some reason.

“Eh guys?” Claudio asked, voicing Hero’s exact thoughts, and probably Meg and Ursula’s too, though Ursula was fighting back a smile looking at the two of them, so maybe not.

“Oh right sorry” Pedro shook his head, and Balthazar smiled down at his shoes. Hero raised an eyebrow at Ursula, who shook her head. 

“Anyway,” Pedro continued, forcing Hero's attention back to the scheming. “As I said, we are here because our dearest butties”, he directed that word at Balthazar, who was now leaning back into Pedro’s legs, “Ms Beatrice Duke, and Mr Benedick Hobbes, are insufferable. I mean they really are, they’re pretty much married, but without the actually liking each other bit”.

“Well that last part is debatable though” Hero added.

Pedro nodded at her. “That’s what we’re banking on. Anyway, they are the worst and they need to get together – nice and simple. In theory”.

“How though?” Claudio asked.

“Isn't it obvious” Ursula said, like the answer was staring them right in the face.

Apparently it wasn't, because everyone just looked at her blankly.

“We use the quiz!”

The reception was lukewarm to say the least. 

“Oh come on, we all know how competitive they both are, right? So if they’re on the team together, they’ll put aside their differences in order to win. It’s perfect!” she finished.

Claudio looked doubtful. “But that’s going to happen anyway, so where do we come in?”

“That’s actually a valid point” Meg agreed.

Ursula had it all thought out though.

“Okay yes, if we leave them alone they’ll probably get along to an extent. But, as we’re all far too aware, they both suffer from an extreme overabundance of pride – especially Bea. They've both already complained about being together and vowed that they’ll hate it, so if we don’t get involved in matters, that could overcome their competitive spirit.”

Claudio nodded, taking that in. “Okay, but I still don’t see where we come in”.

“Basically we act like really competitive shits. We act like it’s a huge competition, and we keep saying we’re going to beat them” she explained.

Hero loved it. Beatrice would never stand for that, no matter who she was paired with.

Pedro was nodding too at that point. “Yeah, and we can keep going on about how we know they won’t beat us because they’ll be too busy arguing, and then they’ll make a conscious effort to stop arguing so they can prove us wrong”.

Balthazar looked like he was pondering something. To be fair to him though, he nearly always did. “That’s good” he began, “but we should do more. Like…” he looked around for a second before settling his gaze on Hero. “Hero, can you use Beatrice’s phone later without her knowing?”

Hero nodded. She had a vague idea where this was going, but no specifics. She had a feeling it would be good though.

Balthazar cracked a smile. “Great, I’ll get to that in a minute. But first… Claudio. And Pedro maybe as well” he added, looking up at them.

Pedro and Claudio high-fived.

“I don’t even know what we’re doing yet, but I feel crafty” Claudio grinned.

“Well I guess Balthy had better tell us then” Pedro laughed, clapping Balthazar’s shoulders gently.

“I know, I know, I’m getting to it” Balthazar smiled. “So you two are going to text Benedick later right? Start off by asking him about the quiz - just something general like has he started studying. Then, and this is the important bit, you have to act like you think he’s really lucky to be on a team with Bea. If he asks why he's lucky, and let's face it he will, say they’re probably really happy to get to work together because they’re always flirting. Then when he inevitably blows up about that, pretend to be fed up with him, like ‘get a grip Ben, we all know you guys are really into each other’ or something to that effect. Then stop, say you have to go, and leave him to ponder what you’ve just said. Does that sound like a good plan?”

Everybody stared at him in awe, and there was a moment of silence as they all digested it.

Hero still wasn’t sure what Beatrice's phone had to do with anything though.

“Wait, but then where do I come into it?” she asked.

“Oh yeah” Balthazar turned to her, “so maybe ten minutes after that conversation, you text Ben from Bea’s phone, basically saying that she really wants to win and that Ben had better try really hard. That’ll get Ben thinking that Bea’s really into the quiz, and that it’s cool if he’s into it too. Of course Bea won’t know about this, but hopefully tomorrow when it’s actually time to do the quiz, Ben’s enthusiasm will have the same effect on her. Nice and simple.”

He sat back, obviously pleased with his plan. Rightly so, Hero thought.

Meg started a round of applause, and he held up his hands, palms out in mock humbleness, pulling Ursula's hands up too. Claudio pretended to bow down to them, and Pedro clapped Balthazar on the shoulders and high-fived Ursula over her head.

“Okay” Meg said, once everybody had settled down. “So I think that’s a plan, courtesy of Ursula and Balthy. I’m going to be honest here, this is much better than anything I saw us coming up with.”

“Well I had faith in us” Hero said.

Meg stuck her tongue out at her.

“So we’re all clear on the plan then?” Pedro asked, clapping his hands together. “Because I think we need to get it started if it’s going to work. It’s about six o'clock, so me and Claud will send off that first text to Ben, and then we’ll all pack up and go home so Hero has time to get Bea’s phone.”

“I’ll text you later when we’re finished our chat with Ben, and then you know to wait ten minutes then text Bea” Claudio told Hero. She nodded, already planning how she was going to steal Bea's phone. Hopefully she wouldn't have it on her, so it would be a simple matter of picking it up when she wasn't looking.

Everybody started to bustle around packing up the picnic, and it only took five minutes before everyone was stuffed back into Claudio’s car.

“Oh I almost forgot” Meg exclaimed. “We forgot to pick a team name!”

“For the quiz?” Pedro asked, obviously confused.

“Well yeah, but also for the scheming.”

“Did we not already decide on Team Love Gods?” Balthazar asked.

“Yeah that’s what I thought too” Ursula said. “Then TLG can be our name for the quiz so that it’s not obvious”.

Meg nodded, looking at everybody in turn to gauge their reactions. “Looks like we’re all in agreement then, Team Love Gods it is! We'll get Team Blessed together if it's the last thing we do!”

“Why are they Team Blessed?” Hero nudged her.

“Because they’re blessed to have us acting cupid for them, duh!”

Everybody laughed, and they settled back into normal conversation as Claudio pulled away from the beach.

“Who am I dropping first?” he asked as they approached a roundabout.

“I’d say Hero” Pedro said. “Then you can drop me and Balthy at mine, if that suits that is” he finished, looking at Balthazar, who nodded.

“Then Ursula and I are going to mine, so you can drop us last” Meg said.

“Right that works then” Claudio said, turning towards the Dukes’.

Hero could see Beatrice engrossed in her Irish history textbook as she walked up the driveway.

It was going to be a fun couple of days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been neglecting this story a bit, I've been working on something else NMTD-related, which will hopefully be up soon. Hope you liked the update!


	5. Chapter 5

Benedick did what he usually tried to do when faced with a Beatrice problem - ignore it and hope it went away without hurting his ego too much. For the most part it tended to work, but he had a feeling this quiz dilemma wouldn’t be so easily solved.

He was right.

However, there was definitely an up-side to the whole situation, namely the general knowledge book Ms Norris had given him to study. He loved weird, random facts, and being able to spout them out when the time was right. He was known for it. So he when he got home from dropping what seemed like half the school to their respective houses (seriously, he should start making them chip in for petrol), he settled down on his bed with the book, and the next thing he knew he was finished, it was getting dark, and he hadn’t eaten anything since two o’clock that day.

He yawned as he padded into the kitchen in search of sustenance and maybe some tea as well.  He had a vague memory of his phone beeping some time ago, but he had been too engrossed in his reading to check it. His stomach rumbled as he opened a message from Claudio.

6:01pm Claudio to Benedick:  
                What do you have to study for the quiz?

It struck Ben that the others didn’t share his love for random information, and so probably didn’t enjoying having to study for the quiz. Ah well, that was their loss. He quickly sent a text back while he sussed out the food situation. He hit send on the text and flicked the kettle on at the exact same time, the synchronicity making him smile faintly.

6:30pm Benedick to Claudio:  
                General knowledge. Basically a book of weird facts – score! Wbu?

His phone beeped before the kettle was finished boiling.

6:31pm Claudio to Benedick:  
                Of course you’d get something you like. Lucky bastard. I got a book on wildlife. Not that I’m actually gonna study it, but it still sucks. And you’re with Beatrice too, so you lucked out man.

What was that supposed to mean? How on earth was it lucky that he was with Beatrice? Claudio must be winding him up. He shook his head, furiously typing his response.

6:33pm Benedick to Claudio:  
                Haha yeah, I’m so happy I’m with Ms know-it-all herself. Can’t wait to spend some time with her!

He sent a follow-up text at the speed of light, to make sure Claudio knew he was joking. It’d be just like him to think Ben was actually being serious about wanting to be with Beatrice. As if.

6:33pm Benedick to Claudio:  
                Just in case you’re not picking up on the INSANE levels of sarcasm – I am in fact joking. Beatrice sucks.

The click of the kettle boiling made Ben jump. He laughed shakily, looking around to make sure nobody had seen him. Not that there was anybody there; his parents were at a work thing, leaving him alone in the house.

He hummed loudly to himself as he made the tea, but the beep of Claudio’s reply still made him jump, and most of the drink ended up on the floor, the boiling water narrowly missing his feet.

“Dammit Ben, get it together” he muttered to himself, his good mood quickly fading. His conversation with Claudio wasn’t exactly helping to buoy his spirits.

6:35pm Claudio to Benedick:  
                Oh come off it, we all know you two enjoy arguing with each other. It’s like a weird form of flirting where you refuse to admit you actually like the other person.

Ben actually took a few seconds to absorb the text. Surely Claudio wasn’t serious, he couldn’t actually think him and Beatrice were flirting with each other? Sure, he used to think they had something back in the summer when they first met, but Beatrice had made it pretty clear that she wasn’t feeling anything, thank you very much. After that, the arguing started to actually feel like arguing - the direct opposite of flirting. Claudio must be out of his mind. Or maybe he was with Hero, he tended to become focused on romance when he was around her. It was a bit annoying if Ben was being honest with himself.

6:37pm Benedick to Claudio:  
                That is literally the most wrong you have ever been. Seriously.

He grabbed a banana, succumbing to the fact that he was far too lazy to actually cook himself anything. That, and it was still roasting, and he couldn’t face ingesting anything above room temperature. Apart from the tea of course, that was a given.

6:40pm Claudio to Benedick:  
                Whatever you say man ;) I g2g, tty tomorrow.

What was Claudio thinking? Ben shook his head as he headed back upstairs with his tea and a banana. He wasn’t flirting with Beatrice the demon queen. No wait, that gave her too much power, it was more like Beatrice the demon servant. Yeah, that was much better.

He set his mind to deciding the most perfectly annoyed emoji for his goodbye. He definitely (definitely) wasn’t thinking about how Beatrice was actually far more like a Queen than a servant, even if she was a demon. No, he didn’t think about that at all…

He stared down at his physics homework with the best of intentions, he really did. He wanted to be the person who did their homework at 7pm rather than midnight, but he simply wasn’t. Eventually he decided to cut the crap and just do what he usually did, and wait until the last possible minute. After all, it was a system that had worked (mostly) for years, why should he change it now?

He slopped a bit of lukewarm tea onto his shirt as his phone buzzed again. He really was jittery lately. If it was Claudio again with another winky face, he swore he was going to…

Oh.

It was Beatrice.

6:55pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                You better study for the quiz tomorrow dickface because we have to win.

That was… Unexpected. He had presumed she wouldn’t be that enthusiastic about the quiz, but she sounded like she was really getting into it. Well, he thought to himself, it wasn’t actually that surprising. She loved debating, and being right, so it shouldn’t come as a shock at all that she wanted to kick some ass at the quiz.

6:59pm Benedick to Beatrice:  
                I read the whole book and I’m ready to kick some ass. Bring your A game.

Did that sound too enthusiastic? He took a moment, and then shrugged. Whatever, maybe if she thought he was into the quiz, they could actually have a nice time doing it. He pressed send, before staring blankly down at his homework. He probably should have done it before studying, seeing as how the hardest task should always be done first. Ah well.

7:01pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                I’m always on my A game.

That needed a retort, no doubt about it. 

7:03pm Benedick to Beatrice:  
                Keep telling yourself that hun.

She - and most of the human population - hated when he said "hun", and he didn't blame her. It was the perfect word, it practically dripped condescension. 

7:04pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                Ugh whatever I have to go, I’ll see you tomorrow ;)

A winky face? That was a bit out of character. 

7:04pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                That was an accidental winky face I swear.

7:05pm Benedick to Beatrice:  
                Sure it was.

7:06pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                It was! I swear! But seriously I have to go, so I’ll see you tomorrow team mate :)

That was definitely out of character. She was actually being nice to him! She had probably been abducted by aliens, or maybe she was being forced to type against her will. His phone beeped again, and he opened the text as fast as he could. With the way things were going, it was probably her confessing her undying love for him. He quickly changed his train of thought; it was a bit scary that he wasn't completely repulsed by the idea. 

7:06pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                *dickface.

That was more like her. Not that he was going to let her forget the niceness though.

7:08pm Benedick to Beatrice:  
                See you tomorrow… Team mate.

7:08pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                Shut up.

7:09pm Benedick  to Beatrice:  
                Make me.

It occurred to him, seconds after he hit send, that Claudio might not have been entirely wrong about the flirting. As he so often joked with Pedro, when somebody said 'make me', they usually meant 'make (out with) me'. He was having trouble convincing himself that he had meant nothing of the sort. 

Beatrice was taking her time with her reply. Had she picked up on the totally-not-flirting? He wasn't entirely sure he was ready for her to know. Not that there was anything for her to know of course. Absolutely nothing.

7:12pm Beatrice to Benedick:  
                Goodnight Benedick.

7:13pm Benedick to Beatrice:  
               Goodnight Beatrice.

Maybe this would turn out to be fun after all. He caught himself smiling. What? Was he actually looking forward to working with Beatrice? Oh dear lord he was. It was terrifying, but as much as he hated to admit it, it was also more than a bit exciting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, sorry this update took so long, life has been rather unrelenting lately. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

Beatrice was late. Her phone alarm hadn’t gone off for some reason that morning, despite the fact that she hadn’t turned it off in the first place. Thank god Hero had checked her bedroom before leaving for school, otherwise she’d most likely still be asleep. As it was she hadn’t had time for breakfast, her hair looked a mess, and she was still twenty minutes late.

At least the quiz wasn’t the first period of the day. As much as she definitely, completely, absolutely wasn’t looking forward to working with Ben-the-dick, she loved a good quiz, and there was no way she was passing up the chance to wipe the floor with the rest of their friend-group. Also, though she hated to admit it, she wouldn’t leave Ben on his own without warning, that was bad form.

She took a deep breath before walking into the school. Hopefully she wouldn’t bump into any prowling teachers, and she’d be able to get to her class without being called out on her lateness. Luckily her maths classroom wasn't too far from the main entrance, and she made it without being noticed.

“Ms Duke, you’re rather late” her teacher didn’t sound happy.

“Sorry sir, my alarm just didn’t go off for some reason”.

“Alright, well sit down”.

Phew, Beatrice mentally high-fived whatever cosmic entity had made her late to maths instead of anything else. Other teachers would have made a fuss, but thankfully Mr Gallagin wasn’t one to take the rules too seriously, as long as you sat through his class without causing a complete ruckus.

She shot a glance at Pedro, who sat beside her. Hmmm, he was looking very red-faced for some reason. She went to ask Meg, on her other side, what was up with him, only to find that she was blushing too. They looked… Sheepish. That never signalled anything good.

Meg was called on to answer a question, and she turned her attention away from Bea. Meg loved maths, and rightly so – she was incredible at it. That she had taken the time to glance at Beatrice at all was odd, but Bea put it out of her mind as the lesson continued. How bad could it be anyway? They had probably just been joking about her lateness.

Nothing to worry about at all.

*

She was not excited for the quiz. Nope, not one bit. Even if she was looking forward to it – which she was _not_ thank you very much – it had absolutely nothing to do with Benedick. Wait, scratch that, it had absolutely nothing to do with Ben- _the_ -dick. Much better.

He was at their designated table across the classroom, and by the looks of it he was nervous, or excited, or both. He wasn't able to sit still; he kept jigging his leg and fiddling with his hands.

The sudden arrival of Ursula’s arm around her shoulder gave her a shock, causing her to jump.

“Jeez Ursula, way to make me jump out of my skin.”

Ursula looked from her to Benedick with a smile on her face. “Oh sorry, I didn’t realise you were so immersed in thought…”

“Shut up”.

Beatrice found herself blushing, and she absolutely hated it. There was absolutely no reason for her to blush, because there was absolutely nothing suss about what she had been doing. Nothing at all, not even one little tiny glimmer of anything.

“I’m not saying anything,” Ursula replied smugly, “but I do have to go. The soon-to-be-winning team needs to go over some strategy”.

Oh was that how it was going to be? Well then, Beatrice could posture with the best of them.

“Yeah actually we do have to go over our strategy, thanks for the reminder. You should go back to your team too though” she said, using what she had been reliably informed was her most annoying voice.

“Hilarious” Ursula replied dryly.

“The truth can be funny, yes.”

“Right. I do have to go though, Pedro’s waving me over, so I’ll see you later okay?”

“Alright, see you.”

Beatrice walked over to Benedick, who was talking to Balthazar. Balthazar walked away before she reached the table though.

She was determined to win. Not that she hadn’t been before, but now that she’d been goaded? Well, let’s just say there’d be no arguing with Benedick today, she had bigger fish to fry.

*

Benedick's jigging foot was practically wearing a hole into the floor to stop himself from looking over at Beatrice. She had been walking over to him at his last glance, and he had his opening remark ready, but now she was talking to Ursula and he was checking his phone for the tenth time in the past few minutes.

“Hey Ben.”

Benedick nearly jumped out of his skin at Balthazar’s voice.

“Jesus man, hi.”

“Sorry if I gave you a shock,” Balthazar chuckled, “but I wanted to update you about that song we were working on the other day.”

“The one about the bitch?”

“Yeah that’s the one. Well I used everything you gave me lyrics-wise, except for one thing. Instead of ‘bitch’, I changed it to ‘gift’. I think it gives the song a bit more depth y’know? Like she’s so annoying, and you argue constantly, but you actually love her despite of her faults. This being the general ‘you’, and not you in particular obviously” he finished with a wink.

What? Ben had written those lyrics specifically with Beatrice in mind, and now Balthy was talking about love, and _winking_? What on earth was happening to his life?

“Oh here comes Beatrice,” Balthazar jumped to his feet before Ben could come up with a reply, “I had better go. Can’t be seen fraternising with the losing team now can I?”

Now posturing, _that_ was something Ben definitely knew how to reply to.

“Ah but Balthy, I’m afraid you have no choice but to do so, they are your teammates after all!”

“Oh ha ha. Anyway I’ll see you man.”

“Yeah see you”.

Beatrice sat down with a look on her face that was, quite frankly, terrifying.

“Are you ready to win?” she asked him urgently.

“One – hello to you too. Two – of course I’m ready, we have to beat the others at all costs!”

She leaned back in her seat with a satisfied smile.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to hear. Was Balthy over here laying down some pre-quiz competition?”

“He was indeed,” Ben nodded, “was that what Ursula was doing with you?”

“Yeah. Now we have to double-beat them.”

“I agree, did you-”

He was cut off by Ms Norris walking in and banging a ruler on her desk with enough force to break it in half. The ruler, that was, not the desk. The noise held the class in a stunned silence for a few seconds, before it was broken by the sound of Claudio’s laughter.

“Claudio it’s not funny, settle down” Ms Norris snapped, looking rather chagrined as she scraped the ruler fragments into the bin.

“How come Claudio gets called by his first name and I’m ‘Ms Duke’?” Beatrice whispered in his ear suddenly.

“Hell if I know, I doubt she even knows my first name. I’m either ‘Mr Hobbes’, or ‘would you ever shut up’, there’s no in between.”

That earned him a laugh, just as he had hoped. He was choosing not to dwell on how much he genuinely liked Beatrice when they were getting along. It was, as he had learned, better to live in the moment and just go with it. There’d be plenty of time for dissecting his feelings later.

“Right, so every team label six sheets of paper as round one to six, and mark question one to ten on each” said Ms Norris.

Five minutes, and several balled up and recycled sheets later, they were all ready to begin.

“You ready for this teammate?” Ben whispered to Beatrice as Ms Norris located her questions.

Beatrice looked at him sharply, but then her face softened.

“Yeah I’m ready… Teammate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After six chapters we finally get to the quiz! I know updates have been sporadic (and this is likely to continue because I have some rather big exams at the start of February), and I do apologise.  
> I'm in two minds about how to continue, but both ways should only have a few more chapters.  
> I hope you're enjoying the story!


End file.
